Tag Archives: sex

Advent Reflections from a Young Married Man: Hot Christian Sex

“In the coming weeks, I will post seventeen short Advent reflections on the Song of Songs from a young man learning to be a lover and a husband, who at the same time struggles to plant his worth as the beloved Bride of Christ.  My guiding question:

How does the birth of God’s Son transform the broken projects of struggling lovers into aspirations for soul mating?

Click here to read the general introduction:

7A  Song of Songs: 7.1-9                     Hot Christian Sex

1.  How graceful are your feet in sandals, O queenly maiden!  your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand.  2. Your navel is a rounded bowl that never lacks mixed wine. Your belly is like a heap of wheat, encircled with lilies.  3.  Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle.  4.  Your neck is like an ivory tower.  Your eyes are pools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bath-rabbim. Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon, overlooking Damascus.  5.  Your head crowns you like Carmel, and your flowing locks are like purple; a king is held captive in the tresses.  6. How fair and pleasant you are, O loved one, delectable maiden!  7.  You are stately as a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters.  8.   I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its branches.  O may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, 9. and your kisses like best wine that goes down smoothly, gliding over lips and teeth.


If there were ever a passage to promote Hot Christian Sex, this would be it.  Yet, these Advent reflections remind us that climbing palm trees and enjoying clusters of grapes happens most authentically in the context of Soul Mating. Anything else remains a cheap exploitation. The final reflection in a few days will seal that idea on our hearts.

In our world today, hot sex fuels the economy of objectification.  Adult toys epitomize it.  We are trained from an early age that whether it is plastic or flesh, it has been made to gratify our bodies.  Yet, the human person is so much more.  Hot Christian Sex always realizes that love happens between persons who are deep and complex like an orchard.

Don’t get me wrong.  Our sex life was meant to be like the best wine, but there is a challenging road one needs to travel to get there.  It leads through the transformation of wounded eros.

I sometimes wonder what the holy family must have felt after years in exile.  Finally, in the homeland of their youth, they settle in Nazareth.  After years of hardship and wilderness, they reach a settled life.

Transformed eros always comes after long years.  We all have been marred with images, expectations, and some of us traumatic childhood experiences.  We have been told that our bodies are bad and our sexuality as dark as sin.  Yet, the journey home to the love of our sexuality means years of wilderness.  Can we embrace a life project, which seeks to transform our wounded hearts, or will we run from bed to bed trying to find simple Hot Sex?

Transformed eros means drinking deep in our sexuality while embracing and giving to the intricate souls and bodies of our lovers.  It never means wishing they were somebody else.  And it looks less like the explosion of a supernova and more like enjoying the subtleties of a field of wheat.


Hot Christian Sex

I read an article yesterday entitled: How Christians Spoil Sex.  The editorial was actually reviewing another article, which was promoting hot Christian sex.  The CNN reviewer gave it another twist by highlighting the ways Christianity (or sick Christianity) ruins our chance (perhaps for all of us) to experience erotic collisions.

Maybe I am not hearing the conversation right.  But I wonder why nobody is making this point: maybe the cultural pressure for hot sex is what is spoiling it.  Watch ten movies. The majority of them will depict hot sex.  The majority of our nation, I think it is fair to say, is likely thinking right now about hot sex.  We’ve pumped our eros full of steroids and blame religion for holding us back.  And then we go after it (hot sex) and realize that the pursuit of it usually ruins us.

There is no question that forms of Christianity have implanted within us an allergy against anything sexual.  It is also true that forms of Christianity have downplayed our bodies.  But I don’t think it is helpful to anyone if Christians carry the “Christians can have hot sex too” banner.

We should be saying things like: Christians don’t treat others like objects through which we can get hot sex.  Christians revere the image of God in each person.  Instead of a neurotic search after passionate love-making, we should be saying: Christians experience the heights of ecstatic union with their lovers amidst the earthiness of our inhibitions and awkward but beautiful bodies and through a transforming patience harnessed upon average experiences.

Vibrancy for a married couple depends on a robust and healthy sex life.  Vibrancy is not dependent upon hot sex, though sometimes, as a married Christian, you find your way there.